10 Signs that You’re NOT an Inclusive Colleague

I highly doubt that there isn’t anyone in the world who has ever avoided the feelings of being excluded. You know the ones.  The ones that make you feel isolated, disrespected, not good enough, smart enough or something else enough.  The ones that make you ask, “What’s wrong with me?” “What did I do wrong?”  “What do they have that I don’t?” These sentiments do not feel like the ones that come with common rejection that are simply a part of  life i.e., not getting the job, not being accepted at your college of choice, or losing a sale to a competitor. It goes deeper and feels more personal.  Maybe you were repeatedly rejected for a spot on the playground sports team or the last one to be picked – you made the team by default. Perhaps you’re the one who is “forgotten” every time there is a team lunch or after work happy hour. Possibly, you’re the most knowledgeable person in the meeting on the topic at hand and ignored or interrupted each time you try to get a word in. Regardless of the circumstance, there was an exclusionist(s) preventing you from participating either not at all or in a limited capacity.  When pressed for an explanation, an exclusionist will give you nothing to work with that may improve your chances of participation in the future.  You’re left to draw your own conclusions, so you label them as jerk, idiot, or a- hole.  The thought that the exclusionist could be sexist, racist, classist, or homophobic may become apparent when you realize that they act this way only toward individuals with whom you share similarities. Sadly, there are exclusionists in every workplace, and they make it difficult for everyone to be their best self and thrive within the organization. Exclusionists erode confidence, create self-doubt, and cause undue stress – especially when they are in positions of power.  One must wonder whether exclusionists are aware of their actions, the harm they cause and choose to maintain their status quo anyway or are they just oblivious and relish in “I gotta be me, take it or leave it”.  Afterall, they are doing just fine and perhaps have never been called out. 

The workplace is not only a place where we perform our duties and collect a paycheck; it’s also a place where we connect and build relationships.  It’s the strength of those relationships that can make collaboration more effective, teamwork more productive and coworkers feel valued.  The stronger the relationship, the more comfortable we are in being ourselves, voicing our opinions and contributing ideas.  Exclusionists make this type of relationship impossible to achieve. I have battled with exclusionists my entire life to include so-called friends, family members, bosses, and colleagues.  In my experience, there are 10 things that exclusionists do in the workplace that I consider to be the most harmful. This is by far not an exhaustive list, but the one’s I experience most often.

Exclusionists Behaviors

1.       Operate with double standards

2.       Demonstrate favoritism for those most like themselves

3.       Say one thing and do something else

4.       Infallible and are closed to an opposing point of view

5.       Ridicule or judge people for being different

6.       Vengeful or vindictive when they have been out maneuvered

7.       Blame others for being “too sensitive” when called out

8.       Overly harsh, judgmental and deliver unjust criticism at every opportunity

9.       Determined to win at any cost

10.   Blame others for their ineptness

If anyone models more than one of these behaviors consistently, they win the “exclusionist award.”  Honestly, even one of those behaviors performed consistently is too much– but no one is perfect. The goal should be to recognize the actions and learn to avoid them. Exclusionist behaviors that go unchecked create toxic or hostile work environments for individuals, revolving doors for employers and may expose organizations to litigation. No one is doomed to the exclusionist team.  There’s always room on the inclusionist team as you become more self-aware, get in touch with and interrupt biased beliefs while endeavoring toward lasting change where everyone can feel like they belong and are valued.